Dear Every Hotel In America,

As a frequent traveler, I love your services. It’s totally better than the alternative of sleeping in a random alley on a cardboard mattress using an old newspaper for a blanket.  I also love your tiny soaps and shampoos that make me feel like a giant when I hold them. And your carb heavy breakfast “buffets?”  Fantastic. I would never have thought to make guests cook their own waffles and then insist that I provided them breakfast.  Genius. 
However, I must take issue with the key cards every hotel in America now uses.  I get that it’s a cheaper system than old fashioned keys, but why is it that you can’t figure out a way to prevent the keys from deactivating under normal circumstances?  It turns out that if you put that hotel key in your pocket with other items you would expect to find in a pocket, it will deactivate faster than the XFL. 

To be clear, by items you expect to find in a pocket, I mean cell phones, car keys or credit cards.  I don’t carry around an electromagnet or a button of cobalt 60. Basically, everything I carry in my pockets on a daily basis ruins those key cards, forcing me to wander back down from the fourth floor and get a new key made after I stumble back from Applebee’s in a drunken stupor. The the desk clerk is always annoyed at giving me a new key and treats me like he hate me (bonus XFL reference!). 

I’m not a technology guru, but this seems like a fairly fixable solution, especially considering these things have been the norm for 20 years. Get it done yesterday, please. 

Sincerely, 

The Guy Who Usually Leaves A Pair Of Shoes In The Room By Mistake