Regimental Crest

Colors:  Blue and Gold, the colors of the Chemical Corps.  Meh.  Apart from the fact that they are the same as the Los Angeles Rams, not much to say.  B-

Tree Stump:  That’s right.  A tree stump.  Yes, there is a story behind the fact that there is a tree stump on the crest.  However, the story is not good enough to justify a tree stump on the crest.  C-

Motto: Elementis Regamus Proelium  “We rule the battle through the elements.”  I’m not sure I understand this because every branch uses elements because, you know, elements are what make up – and I don’t want to get too technical here – “stuff.”  It’s not like the chem corp is using pure chlorine or nitrogen or carbon or whatever – they aren’t using pure elements anymore than the artillery uses pure elements.  The bigger problem, however, is that it sounds like Harry Potter trying to defend against a dementor.   D+

Dragon:  A green dragon that breathes chlorine gas.  This might get a higher grade if it weren’t for the fact that it is lifted directly from Dungeons and Dragons.  Seriously, the crest was adopted in 1986 and D&D was introduced in more than a decade before.  I’m a little concerned that we have any heraldry in the military that was stolen from 1970s era nerds.  Between the dragon and the Harry Potter sounding motto, I wouldn’t be surprised if they replaced the entire thing with a picture of Frodo.  D-

Overall:  Although the entire project is about as geeky as Albert Einstein making out with Neil Degrasse Tyson, somehow when it’s all tied together, it works.  That’s what you call intangibles.  It’s Bill Belichick taking a sixth round quarterback, an undrafted receiver and a couple of fourth round defenders and winning a Superbowl.  A 

 

Branch Insignia

Colors:  Blue and Gold again.  Which makes sense.  Bumped slightly up for consistency.  B

Crossed retorts: These are old timey laboratory distillation devices, that were developed by an Arabic alchemist named Jabir ibn Hayyan in the 8th century. Pretty cool, with the exception of the drawback that he may not have, technically, existed.  Still, retorts look vaguely like ball sacks and crossed long wieners.  Hilarious.  A-

Benzene Ring:  Now we’re rolling into super geek territory.  Not D&D or Harry Potter geekdom, but legit, Nobel Prize level geekdom (Robert Mulliken was a WWI chemical Soldier who later received a Nobel Prize for his molecular orbital theory).  The benzene ring is the chemical symbol for the hydrocarbon C6H6 which is generally used to make most of the terrifying chemical warfare agents of the past.  A+ for next level nerdiness.

Overall:  Drooping wieners crossed over a symbol of horrifying chemical death.  Works for me.  A

 

 

In a recent critique of Back to the Future that I saw, a major complaint was that the movie implied a white man actually wrote Johnny B. Goode.  Now, let’ get a couple of things out of the way.  Yes, I am talking about a movie over 30 years old.  Yes, the critique I am referring to is a Cracked After Hours episode that, itself, is several years old now.  Yes, the movie has upsetting racist overtones throughout (the only way a black man could become mayor is if some white guy encouraged him to?).  Yes, given the creepy attempted rape and “we’re all pretty much ok with the rape” scene that took place moments before the supposed theft/invention of JBG, it seems like copyright issues my be the least disturbing thing in the movie.  But let’s set those things aside for another time.

All that aside, the criticism that Marty McFly wrote JBG is ridiculous.  In this universe, there is no way MM wrote this song.  In this universe, McFly didn’t write it and neither did Chuck Berry.  The song exists in perpetuity and the argument about who wrote the song becomes useless.  McFLy definitely did not write the song and it sort of looks like Berry didn’t write the song, either.  Chuck, that is, not Marvin.

But now that I think of it, maybe Marvin gets as much credit as anyone else.  In this universe, we’re basically told that art exists independent of artists or creators.  If neither Berry nor McFly wrote JBG, then JBG just existed and they both discovered it.  And if that’s the case, didn’t Marvin Berry play just as big a role in it’s discovery?

Which makes this movie way deeper than a guy who goes back in time to almost have sex with his mother and then watches her get sexually assaulted in front of him.  It’s a movie about art existing in the ether, just waiting for someone to pull it out of thin air.  Which is awesome, because it increases the likelihood that I could someday “create” a best selling novel.  All I need to do is have some cousin call me up and nudge me along.