During a recent visit to a military installation in our nation’s heartland (definition: states you move out of, not into), it occurred to me that it must be a full time job on these posts to place reserved parking signs in each parking lot.  Anyone who has ever been on an Army post will tell you there are seven or eight reserved spaces at the beginning of each row at the PX.  Sure, the first few are reserved for folks with disabilities, which is great because disabled vets come on post to use the PX and the commissary, etc.  But then there are usually not one, but two spaces for general officers.

Pro-tip:  General Officers are officers in one of the four General ranks.  It is not meant to be interpreted as a parking space random officers (you know, run of the mill generalized officers).  This is an important distinction.

 

Honestly, the odds of two GOs showing up at the same time at the PX seems a little remote, considering there are maybe three on the entire post at any given time.  Then again, after a recent “poor investment” in lottery tickets, I am no longer allowed to discuss odds in any format, so just ignore what I’ve said.

 

Then there will be parking spaces for the post Sergeant Major, Chief Warrant Officer 5s, Drill Sergeant of the Year, Instructor of the Year, Volunteer of the Year, etc.  The reserved spaces get more and more specific and less and less worthy of a reserved parking space all the way down to the spot for 3rd Transportation Battalion Logistics Soldier of the Month.  And while I made up that last one, the rest are all legitimate reserved spots I have seen.

 

The funniest thing is, nobody parks in these spots.  Based on how empty they are at all times, I assume even people who are eligible are passing them up.  Everyone seems terrified to park there, as if the MPs are watching these spaces ready to hem someone up for illegally parking there (they probably are).  But there are a new crop of reserved parking signs I’ve seen on posts in the last decade, and everyone ignores them.  Like, completely and totally ignores them.  I’m talking hurrying your step past a panhandler level ignoring.  I mean an ignoring deeper than you gave your husband the rest of the month when he bought you a gym membership for your birthday.

 

 

Now, to be fair, it’s possible those are two electric SUVs and a hybrid pick-up truck.  I can’t be sure.  But it doesn’t seem likely.  At a certain point I realized they weren’t just parking there to get the closer spots – this was climate change deniers in action.  This was people who weren’t going to let some pansy hippie tell them where to park.  The drivers of these trucks were ‘Mericans.

Sigh.   That’s it.  There is no more to this post.  Just, sigh.